Something I have been pondering on since Monday's meeting.
Thank you to all who came and for your contributions. You all have such a lot of experience and never judge when open and honest discussion arise. I walk the sometimes rocky path of recovery so it helps to meet you guys along the way to make my journey easier.
Back to my ponder.
It has only just occurred to me, although subconsciously it has probably bobbed along there for a long while, that who we are as individuals has nothing to do with some of the thoughts we have that we tend to 100% believe. The reason for this "light bulb" moment ?
I have just finished the Let's Talk OCD course and even though I didn't get much out of the course in the first few weeks, I don't have any checking or contamination issues, the last few weeks on "thoughts", "OCD Belief Systems" and "analysing thoughts too much", have enabled me to see beyond my own rumination. I also now appreciate that getting "thoughts" out in the open is good, however talking openly, about a sensitive subject can be a bit dodgy in the wrong company, but in a safe environment, with someone receptive and understanding, can be extremely beneficial.
Thoughts can be sooooo real, but when they are not acted upon, how real does that make them? I have also opened my mind to the fact that everyone, even "normal" people, (do they actually exist?) have these type of thoughts, but "normal" people let them go, whereas I cling on to mine, examining every detail! So getting these less desirable thoughts out into the open will not label us as a "bad" people, neither will we do something that "normal" people may think is out of control. It actually means that we care. We care a great deal. We are the exact opposite to the person that we think you are! Our thoughts have lead us astray and ultimately lead us to believe something that is never going happen!
I think there is some measure in accepting the way we are too, the way we act and respond to stuff. Although I don't think we can ever can stop learning about ourselves either. I try to acknowledge and take responsibility for my own emotional wellbeing. Although I find it quite difficult, I am coming to terms with the fact that some of my "thoughts" will probably always be there, hanging around the corners of my mind, but I no longer need to label myself "mentally ill".
Hope the coming weeks are good to you all!